As you lie in a bed of regret and possibly half of last night’s pizza, it’s hard to imagine life can ever be good again. Hangovers have actually been scientifically proven by experts to be a direct punishment for fun (probably anyway). Have no fear though, you haven’t come to the end of the road just yet, and with these tips you’ll be feeling funky fresh in no time at all.
First of all, prevention is key; make sure drunk idiot you (yes, the one that face planted in the middle of the club) is your friend, NOT your foe. Post town food is a major contender in the hangover stakes. Although you may be screaming for a fat greasy kebab, give it a miss, instead subbing it for a Subway. Not only do these tend to lack the grease of a Munchies, minimizing morning queasiness, they also come with the bonus of drunk sandwich customization which can be a whole new adventure. After eating your creation quicker than you realized possible, its time to drink up (no, not the half bottle of rosé you left at pre-drinks) down your water with the same enthusiasm as a sinner’s treble and give drunk you a lil’ pat on the back for being such a model human.
However, if you’re facing a situation where the opportunity for prevention passed around half way through cheesy chips, all is not lost. If possible, try to befriend your hangover, you guys are gonna be spending the whole day together so you don’t want there to be any tension. In fact, now is the time to bask in your hangover, after all, acceptance is the first step to recovery.
The key is to capitalize on that first half an hour of wakefulness where you feel GREAT (this is because you are still drunk, you are not, I repeat not, great). Cleanse your soul of fake tan and panda eyes now; if while doing this you get any horrific flashbacks of the previous night’s endeavors shut them out ASAP, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
The next step is to navigate the migration from your bed (you can deal with the pizza stains another time) to the sofa. With great attention to detail it is possible to make this trip only once; grab your duvet, laptop, phone charger and any other essentials and make the intrepid journey down the corridor. As you inevitably pass your flatmate who’s just got back from the gym, remind yourself that dancing probably burns 10000 calories and so you are, in fact, currently dangerously close to being malnourished.
As you slip on the dominoes pamphlet that’s been put through your door, think carefully and assess the situation. It’s always a good idea to test the waters with the humble dry toast before committing your precious tenner on a pizza that you can’t even look at let alone enjoy. The next very crucial choice is TV content, sad films often provide optimal hangover conditions… no, you’re not crying because you drunk texted your ex 48 selfies last night, you’re crying because the cute dog just died (spoiler alert soz).
The morning after the night before may be the highlight of any student’s weekend but let us not forget that with great prinks comes great responsibility. Next time you wake up to spinning room, show your hangover some TLC, and, failing that, some TCS (tender chicken strippers).